It’s a go


Just returned from the ultrasound that my oncologist wanted to get to check the size of the lump. This would determine whether I would continue with the same chemo cocktail or stop chemo altogether if the lump was growing. Then they would have whipped me into surgery instead.

The radiologist had better bedside manner than the chief radiologist I had previously. The guy who had completely panicked when I started weeping whilst half naked. He’s not a bad person, just lacking in the whole talking/listening/keeping calm thang. Or perhaps the whole boobs and tears combo was just too confusing. ; p

Anyhoo, this kind lady even let me take a picture of my evil offspring and answered my myriad questions without consternation or befuddlement. On the spot she confirmed the lump wasn’t growing but couldn’t tell me straight away if she thought it had shrunk. I commented that I got the impression that interpreting these scans was more an art than a science to which she snorted in an agreeing fashion.

I got home to an answer phone message saying the chemo will go ahead as planned but no info on if they think it’s shrunk. They clearly didn’t get the hint that me wanting to photograph the scan was a sign that perhaps I would like LOTS of information. I’ll just take it as a positive for now and see if I can wheedle any more out of the hospital tomorrow.

I welcome humourous interpretations or deep psychological ones of the shape of the tumour. I’m thinking fat wolf..

19 thoughts on “It’s a go

  1. Sokari

    I don’t know, the positive is they say it’s not grown but then they don’t say what level of shrinking they expected at this point?

    On tne shape – kinda of looks like a turtle standing on hind legs with a huge spear “I’m a tumour GET me outta here”

  2. Kat

    I’m taking the fact that it hasn’t grown as a cause of celebration. I guess this means they think the chemo is working – they wouldn’t put you through it lightly! And that’s very cool that you are voraciously demanding info from your doctors.

    Dennis Potter called his cancer Rupert, after Rupert Murdoch. Yours looks like the man in the moon with a twirly cartoon villain moustache.

  3. Heidi

    yeh when they started the oncologist was doubtful it would shrink much so it’s all a bit confusing to me. It definitely feels different, less smooth and more spiky. and honestly they can’t tell for sure til dig it out and stick a ruler over it ; p but I guess it has got smaller coz she said on Friday that if it wasn’t doing anything they would not continue in the same way. bloody hell it is frustrating that they didn’t give me all the info.

  4. Kat

    I know, sorry about the villainy, I can’t help but see it as a fuckface. I guess that means I’m projecting and a lot less accepting of your situation than you are! Teach me, Zen lady.

    1. Heidi

      haha actually mine was wolfy so depending on how Earth Firsty you are, could go either way. I’m going with rip your throat out wolf interpretation. so I fail at Zen Goddess in this one. Sister thinks it looks heart shaped so she gets the emotional alchemy prize!

  5. Caroline

    I have a Wayne and Garth ‘I’m not worthy’ moment every time I read your brilliantly astute and raw blogs hun. I just want to hug you. And I think you should get these blogs published. Adam has indeed nailed the image! Sending you a virtual asteriod of lump destruction and loads of love, C xx xx

    1. Heidi

      thanks equally awesome woman. we’re definitely in a mutual appreciation society. and I love thinking of your boob asteroid! love to publish these ramblings.. know any good publishers writer woman. xxx

  6. Karen

    It’s great to hear it’s not growing and the treatment is doing its job. Amazing to see a picture. I love Adam’s interpretation – perfectly expressed what we were all thinking! But I like the idea of villainous facial hair on the man on the moon too!

  7. Karen

    ha ha yes! Just booked my tickets for coming to see you. Will arrive about dinner time on the 21st, and head off late morning on Sunday 26th. kxxxxxx

  8. Caroline

    I will put my thinking cap on re: publishers. Good to know you would like to get your words and wisdom out there. Now you’ve said it, the world has heard and it will happen! 😉 Watch out for boob asteroids in the meantime!!! C xxxxx

    1. Heidi

      thanks luv. I was thinking when this is over to flesh out the science, history and pyschollogical hard evidence side of things. interweave that stuff with the main narrative of the emotional journey while keeping it all accessible and conversational. xx

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