I just got out of the Princess Royal Hospital in Haywards Heath, about 40 minutes drive from Brighton. This is where I’ll have my surgery on the 20th and they just wanted to make sure I’m ship shape for the op. I hadn’t been poked by sharp objects for a whole month so that was a walk down memory lane but without the nostalgic fun. It wasn’t terrible, just weight, height (apparently I’ve shrunk by an inch), bloods, urine, blood pressure. It seems like a nice hospital and the staff aren’t obviously evil, so phew. I was worried about going to an unknown place so it was good to see it and picture being there.
They turned over green areas to wildflowers or they’re just too underfunded to pay a gardener ; p Either way it was lovely. The nurse didn’t blink when I told her I was vegan but it was damn good that Adam was with me because I forgot this small but crucial info. In fact he answered most of the questions because my brain is seriously underperforming. Luckily the nurse gave me lots of leaflets with properly spelled out instructions.
It’s all becoming a reality now and this part will definitely be easier than chemo. But it does bring with it some new anxieties and unknowns. The most terrifying being general anaesthetic. I’ve never had it before and seeing as I have a bad reaction to paracetamol, the prospect of being so numb I can’t breathe for myself is stomach lurchingly frightening.
Time for some deep breathing and meditating on the reason for all this. When I wake up and the bruises retreat, I will no longer reach down and feel a lump that is all wrong and is trying to kill me.