This is my body. From the inside, out. I have no idea what it means, other than my hips are wonky and my spine looks curved. But someone in the hospital will look at these scans and see something I don’t. Or not.
I’m very, very lucky to have amazingly generous parents who are blessed with resources. So they offered for me to have the CT scan done privately. This is a lot easier to accept when it’s someone else’s money. There are no adjectives for how grateful I am.
What this has meant is no two week wait in the queue for NHS services. I don’t feel great about being a health care splitter but I honestly and deeply didn’t think I would make it through the weeks of waiting. Other scans I’ll wait for. This one is too important. And too terrifying.
I went into emotional shock yesterday as though I had just been in some natural catastrophe or car wreck. It was a physical experience that I wasn’t coming out of. Taking action to get the scan done helped me break free of it. Mostly.
Now I have a CD full of images that reveal the answer to the question ‘Has it spread?’ but I have to wait until tomorrow evening for that knowledge. One more day. Prepare yourselves friends for the worst.