Results tomorrow

CT scan

This is my body. From the inside, out. I have no idea what it means, other than my hips are wonky and my spine looks curved. But someone in the hospital will look at these scans and see something I don’t. Or not.

I’m very, very lucky to have amazingly generous parents who are blessed with resources. So they offered for me to have the CT scan done privately. This is a lot easier to accept when it’s someone else’s money. There are no adjectives for how grateful I am.

What this has meant is no two week wait in the queue for NHS services. I don’t feel great about being a health care splitter but I honestly and deeply didn’t think I would make it through the weeks of waiting. Other scans I’ll wait for. This one is too important. And too terrifying.

I went into emotional shock yesterday as though I had just been in some natural catastrophe or car wreck. It was a physical experience that I wasn’t coming out of. Taking action to get the scan done helped me break free of it. Mostly.

Now I have a CD full of images that reveal the answer to the question ‘Has it spread?’ but I have to wait until tomorrow evening for that knowledge. One more day. Prepare yourselves friends for the worst.

7 thoughts on “Results tomorrow

  1. Lisa

    From Oregon, I’m reaching my arms out to you and holding you so very tightly. Love you so much.

  2. Julia

    Dear heidi, wishing you all the luck in the world, will be thinking of you, lots of love Julia & david gisborne xxx

  3. Caroline Phillips

    What wonderful parents. Hallelujah. Stay strong amazing woman. I hope you can rest tonight. You got some ass-kicking to do in the morning! Sending you so much love. C xxx

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