Decision

I just sent this email to my breast care nurse.

 

Hi Lisa.

Thanks so much for being wonderful yesterday. You were an enormous help and support. I’ve spent the day thinking intensely about what my decision is and this is it.

I’d like to have a bilateral mastectomy with immediate reconstruction both sides using DIEP flap. I realise that the reconstructed breasts will be significantly smaller but I’ve investigated how I feel about that and it’s ok. For me the symmetry and feel going forward into the future is the most important factor. I’ll be infinitely happier and more accepting of the results if we do it this way.

Thanks to the whole team for their patience and understanding. I hope things go smoothly now and looking forward to seeing you again soon.

Many thanks,

Heidi Bachram

11 thoughts on “Decision

  1. Karen

    What can I say? You’re amazing. Your process in making the decision has been so powerful, and this letter is so clear and strong. You really have known in your heart all along what you want to do, and you have processed all the information to ensure that you are coming up with the right decision, and this feels absolutely clear and right. xxxxxx

  2. Heidi

    Thanks darling. I don’t think there is a perfect 100% correct option so this is the one I can own and live with. The reasons I put in the email are not the biggest ones but it’s the ones they can understand and accept. I just heard back from the breast care nurse and she was very warm and supportive. Phew. It’s done.

  3. Brenda

    This just proves that you feel you are in control of things now. Like I said yesterday, I’m so proud of you and how you have really put yourself in the driver’s seat on this. Don’t belittle your reasons – they are important to YOU. Don’t forget that I will be here to support you and answer any questions you have – no matter how silly you think they are. You are awesome. xoxo

  4. Heidi

    Thanks Brenda and Sokari, my lovely friends. Yes I guess me feeling in control won out in the end. I have to think forward ten years which is a tough thing to do. In the end I have to take responsibility for the decision and best chance of owning it came from really and truly making the decision I wanted from the start. Thankfully I have amazing, strong, resilient women like you all on my life to keep me on track.

  5. linsey

    it’s a powerful thing owning a decision. It makes you feel that you control whats going on and although there will undoubtedly be some very challenging choices ahead, you have owned this one and I am in no doubt that you will carry on dealing with this crapfest of a situation with the same clarity and determination. Well done and we are all so proud of you. xx

  6. Theresa

    Well done you. After all this time I find you are an inspiration to me once more. The toughest of decisions and you have made it so logically and yet from the heart. Much love . Theresa x

  7. Heidi

    What beautiful and kind words you all gifted me. I’m so blessed to know you all. I count you all as hugely inspiring womenfolk and knowing you’re out there and in my corner, cheering me on is a wonderful feeling. Thank you. xxx

  8. Mary Graves

    Hi Heidi — so glad Facebook let me find your blog. Been thinking and loving you, Adam and Lyla and am right there with you all. Forever. Mary

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